(almost) Finished!

updated story files: transcript files

I'm almost done my stories! I have about half of one left, maybe not even that. I really, really, really need an editor, though! I know some parts could be a lot better, but I need help to fix them. Also, still hoping for a better ending for the scene below. I need a connect between here:

 Lark suddenly knew what she had to do. She put her hands on his shoulders and pulled Cato around to face her. "We have hope. We fight for life. We fight for love and laughter and sorrow and sunsets and everything else that makes it possible to carry on.

and this song:




I already have one, but I don't think it's very good. I've looked for references for the first scene in the first story, but found very little. I don't generally write a lot of romance, and some help would be appreciated in making it better. I really would like it to stay PG-13, and there just isn't a lot of advice on writing that level of romance scene out there. Let's just say most of it is advice on writing for more mature audiences and leave it at that. Here's what I have...

Kris sighed and laid her head on Caz's shoulder. "You sure you don't need to get back to study hall?" He grinned mischievously and wrapped an arm around her. "Nope. Don't tell me you're in a hurry to get back?" Kris closed her eyes, reveling in the electricity shooting through her skin where his arm touched her. "What do you think?" His lips on hers were all the answer she needed. She was a million miles away, drifting on silver wings, when the loudspeaker squawked to life.

It's a really short scene, but I think it really sets the mood for the rest of the story, so revisions would be great. Also, I've got a fairly short piece that I might do, but it's going to be hard because the whole thing is sort of how most of the couples that will eventually appear in this story came to be. So romance advice would be great. The story line is below, if it matters.

Setting: School dance. Very casual, more of a party than a formal event. Jeans and t-shirts, hanging out with friends on a Friday night kind of thing. DJ in the background, 300 or so kids. Still need the room. Gym? Rented venue? Help! Has to have a basketball hoop.

Character descriptions (note: pictures aren't going to be perfect. They're more the essence of the character than a perfect match. There's only so much you can do with free online photo editing.)

Cynthia, general: Long black hair usually pulled back- braided or leather headband. Beautiful ice-blue eyes, pale skin, slender body. For dance: hair loose, falling down to her waist. Dark jeans, silky, flowing shirt matching her eyes. Personality- fun-loving, witty. Roz's best friend. At the dance, you'll find her: teasing her brothers or getting borderline flirty with someone she swears she doesn't like.

Caz/Jasper (identical twins):Relatively long black hair, cut to slant low over one eye. Same blue eyes, light skin as sister above. Big, muscular bodies, broad shoulders. Personality- energetic, outgoing, loyal. These two move for no one- and usually don't have to. At the dance, you'll find them: hanging out with friends or shooting baskets in the corner.

Cato: light-skinned, golden blond hair with (natural) streaks of platinum blond. Emerald green eyes. Personality- stands out in a crowd. A smart alack, seemingly fearless, charges recklessly through life. At the dance, you'll find him: hanging out with his friends, until his girlfriend Brooklyn pulls him onto the dance floor when the beat picks up.

Dorian: Very obviously Cato's half brother- same face, same eyes. Hair just a little darker, but not much. Yes, the picture isn't very good for this one. Actually matching two internet pictures is difficult to say the least. Personality- much the same as Cato. People often think that Cato is Dorian's twin, not Sammy's. They're surprised to learn Sammy's related to this dynamic duo. At the dance, you'll find him: Watching Cato from the edge of the floor, trying very hard to pretend he's not on the lookout for possible future dates. Don't get me wrong, he's no player- just a little lonely.

Roz- most noticeable feature is her bright red hair. Personality- Lights up the room. Cynthia's co-conspirator and best friend, able to give as good as she gets from Caz and Jasper. Burning with an intensity as bright as her fiery hair.  At the dance, you'll find her: with her steady boyfriend, Wes, circulating through the crowd.

Sammy- Cato's twin, and almost his complete opposite. Smaller, with olive skin and dark brown hair. Same bright green eyes, though. Personality- More cautious, usually with part of his mind focused on what Cato's doing in order to bail him out of the inevitable disaster. A good listener, and great with all things mechanical. At the dance, you'll find him: Keeping one eye on the old-as-dirt electronics, and the other on his adrenaline-high brother.

To be introduced here:

Parker- to be Cynthia's dance partner. Lines- rough draft (also needs editing help):

Cynthia: (walks over, tosses hair a little) I was looking for a dance partner. Wondered if you were interested.

Parker: (stunned, can't seem to speak)

Cynthia: But if not... (turns as if to go)

Parker:  I.. sure!

Shae- to be Jasper's dance partner, future girlfriend. Small, dark-skinned, vivacious

Kris- To be Caz's dance partner, future girlfriend. Tall, dark-haired, a little attitude.

Kiona- Dorian's instant crush. Later his girlfriend. Smaller than the other two girls, but will turn out to be as bold as either of them.

Wes- He's respectful, caring, with a mischievous side too. The water to Roz's fire, able to balance her out.

Also thinking about writing a very short piece inspired by a weekend trip to Facenda-Whitaker bowling alley. I realized that it was very much my character group's scene. Loud, pop music playing in the background, crowds, french fries, laser light patterns flashing... I created an idea between turns. Maybe, to relax, Cato, Dorian, Caz and Jasper, Roz, and a few others joined a bowling league on the weekends. In this vague idea, they bring the girls along. It's not really anything concrete yet. But it might become more solid in time for the deadline- who knows?